|
LoveSexBerlin
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Whitney
Gender: Female
Interests: Lovely girls and boys, adrogyny, Cabaret, Theatre, Show tunes, travel, techno, industrial, goth, classical, jazz, soundscapes, glam, rain, etc. gay pride, chatting it up with pretty boys, using phrases like "fabulous" and "oh my god", vintage fashion, feminine boys with big noses.
Expertise: Attempting seduction, throwing glitter
Industry: Art
Message: message me
AIM:  LoveandBerlin
AIM:  HautCoutureKat
Member Since:
3/3/2005
|
|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| Some people are idiots- they merely cover it up with a faux intelligent exterior. And some people- truly are beautiful- but it is beauty that is hidden deep beneath the physical and the logical.
I feel that I am beautiful. Not only physically, but deeply, internally beautiful, which is something I only show to those who I feel- can understand it.
Thus far, not one has been able to.
Maygan- though she is a good person... is simple. She is so simple. So simple and so plain.
*Untitled* - obviously doesn't know the difference. Or can't see the difference between Maygan's occasional outer beauty and my outer and inner beauty. Maybe he hasn't seen it yet. Maybe it's too soon for him to understand. He took me aside yesterday, and told me that I was going to be a beautiful woman- and then mentioned how it was bizarre the way things fall into place, or are, or something like that.
Well if he thinks so- why shouldn't he be able to understand- why does he need to think about it? He shouldn't have to think about it. I hope that he will come to see that I already AM a beautiful person, and that I AM amazing. After all, if he knew Maygan as I did, he would choose me without a doubt.
I will show him eventually.
But things have changed, and they are changing so rapidly. I cannot focus on anything but rolling along with the changes, and not analyzing them, or even thinking about them until now.
What's changed? In the past week? The past month? The past year? It's overwhelming, really, what can change it such a seemingly short period of time. A week... and so suddenly. I can't eat anymore. I can't sleep. I can't think of anything more than how I am going to manipulate the situation to my advantage. I can do nothing more than walk around like a zombie thinking of my next move.
I'm moving much too fast in my head- and reality isn't following as quickly. And I still can't eat, sleep, breathe, think logically. I keep moving by the seat of my pants... doing what my selfish mind keeps telling me to do. I am not done with changing. I want it, and I want it to happen faster. If it doesn't change, I will become a mad, frenzied thing. And for what reason? Because I cannot lose! I refuse to lose! I refuse! I will win, and I will get my way, and god dammit, she'll be sorry she ever came along.
I can't think of anything but my next move. I'm living in a chess game, and it is going to be so bloody.
Miss Gallagher | | |
| Matti giving me date advice:
WwwBackaDotCom32 [5:07 PM]: Don't look slutty
WwwBackaDotCom32 [5:07 PM]: but look interested..
Le x Couture [5:07 PM]: but I'm not interested.
WwwBackaDotCom32 [5:07 PM]: haha
Le x Couture [5:07 PM]: I just want to impress him.
WwwBackaDotCom32 [5:07 PM]: That's the dumbest thing i've ever read | | |
| I am nervous beyond belief. Even though it is an unofficial date... and I really have no interest, deeper than that of impressing. But it's the impressing that's got me into a bit of a nervousness that I can't explain.
- The dramatic age gap (Amanda says it's really not that big)
- The fact that, because of the age gap... maybe there is something wrong with this guy... and maybe I will end up in some ditch the next day. (Matti said the sweetest thing about that, I could have kissed him?)
- Him being gorgeous and built with rich parents, a nice car, a great job... a future... ridiculously high expectations... and me being well... me. The beautiful wierdo... dying to impress him for the sheer sport of the game. He's seen me once before, but I was in my best outfit with my confidence skyrocketting through the roof. I can gaurantee that's not going to happen on this little coffee trip.
- Worst of all, I don't know what to wear, as nothing seems just right. Just glitzy enough without looking cheesey... just enough to make me look like I have some class without overdoing it. I only have twenty five bucks to my name... which could buy me half of a scarf at Lord and Taylor. Fucking fabulous.
It's really sick that I feel that I must go to such lengths just to impress someone I'm not really all that interested in, in the first place. It is an aries thing, I think. | | |
| Today my mom called me needy.
This is not true. I like nice things, yes.
I like pretty men, yes.
I carry a bottle of water around with me.
I like to carry a matching purse with a matching outfit, with matching shoes, and matching eyeshadow with a matching headband... yeah.
But I pay for everything myself. I have a job. And I work damned hard. I'm in the midst of buying a car, myself. For god's sake, I have to pay my own way through college, with absolutely no help from the parental units as far as room and board. If I want to have nice things and be materialistic with my own money... I think I have a right. I depend on only myself for what I want, emotionally and financially. Good grief. | | |
| It kind of makes me mad that certain "friends" of mine, seem to think I'm an idiot. Oh wait... I'm an idiot, but I'm "still booksmart". Right.
Not only does SHE think this, she says it to other people, and when I argue, she simply says, "It's alright, I'm an idiot too."
Just because I may be a little loud, doesn't mean I'm an idiot. I'm actually a very intelligent person... and if this girl were really my friend, (and she obviously isn't) she would realize this.
It doesn't hurt my feelings... it makes me angry... that one of the dumbest people I know could look me in the face, in all seriousness, and say that I was an idiot.
This leaves me two alternatives. Write her a smart-ass e-mail saying that I don't want to talk to her until I'm over my pissed-off spell... letting her know that she had the bit of power to make me angry... or not say anything at all... and let her keep on with her childish ways.
Fabulous. | | |
|
